極端保守的性態度

　　上一回我談及到極端開放的性態度，今回我會講講有關極端保守的性態度。

　　在我們的客人資料庫中，有一些年齡介乎28-58歲的單身男女，從來都沒有與別人發生過性行為，這是挺奇怪的現象。但更加更奇怪的是，有些離了婚的客人，也很少或從來沒有和前夫/前妻發生過性行為！很明顯，我們的社會存在一個大家很少談及和關注，但卻很嚴重的問題，即是眾人對性的無知和厭惡。

人類的性生活

　　在性保守的傳統下，性學一直被學術界忽視，直到印第安納大學的阿爾弗萊德‧金賽博士（Alfred Kinsey）出版了《金賽報告》（Kinsey Reports），這對性學有著革命性的影響。此報告分為兩本書，一本是1948年出版的《男性性行為》，另一本為1953年出版的《女性性行為》。金賽博士的研究，不是以臨床實驗作基礎，而是與被訪者訪談作基礎。

　　後來，科學家廉‧霍華‧麥斯特與強生（Drs Masters and Johnson）在1966年和1970年出版了《人類的性反應》（Human Sexual Response ）和《人類性功能障礙》（Human Sexual Inadequacy），研究內容圍繞觀察和比較人類自慰和性行為。這兩本書皆為暢銷書，更被翻譯成30種語言。書中除了紀錄生理學方面的數據，他們更大力支持和鼓勵人們享受性，更指性行為是健康的活動，可以增加快樂和親密感。

　　麥斯特與強生指出，通過定期的性行為，男士在86歲前仍可保持性活躍，其他研究也證實這一觀點。此外，他們提出性反應的「循環模式」概念，（例如興奮感、完全性興奮狀態、性高潮和性高潮後的反應），這與弗洛伊德「陰道」或「陰蒂」高潮論無甚分別。然而他們又提到：人們性愛時，應為陰蒂提供足夠的刺激，以達至性高潮。倘若女性在性愛時，陰蒂得到足夠的刺激都不能達至高潮，就是性冷淡。

　　這個觀點被其他學者，特別是雪兒‧海蒂所嚴厲批評。雪兒‧海蒂的性學報告研究顯示，有些女性雖然在性愛時沒有性高潮，但是在自慰就很易達至性高潮。但金賽博士、麥斯特與強生對性學研究作出了重大貢獻，仍是毋庸置疑。雪兒‧海蒂認為人們必須了解文化與個人構造影響下的性經驗，才能與相關研究結果產生共鳴。

性障礙問題

　　以上大學研究報告，包括對性學的剖釋和在生理學對性反應方面的研究，都對醫學診斷性障礙的發展有著革命性的影響。時至今天，性障礙問題，例如陽萎，早洩，陰道痙攣，女性性冷感等，已不是忌諱的話題。很多醫生精通性障礙的問題，更能為病人在合理的時間內提供有效的治療。如果大家有性障礙問題，最重要是盡早尋求醫生的協助。

性慾不強的原因

　　當你性慾不強時，很可能有幾個原因。例如小時候長輩所教的性觀念、宗教禁忌、個人習性、缺乏或找錯性伴侶、怕自己的性表現不夠好、或活在以前糟糕的性經驗陰影下等等…….無論是甚麼原因，你都要盡快重拾健康的性生活，就像學騎單車或學騎馬一樣，跌跌碰碰是難免的學習過程，如果你將性問題置之不理，就會令問題惡化，持續缺乏性生活更會令你性功能衰弱，更會影響將來與伴侶的關係。

　　我不是要你改變自身的道德觀念和界限，只是要你明白性是男女關係必須的生活部分，如果你在性生活上不能滿足另一半，你就是一個失敗的伴侶。就像生活各方面一樣，如果缺乏應有的知識、練習和經驗，就難以將該項工作做好。

應從那方面著手？

　　如果你從未有性經驗或甚少有機會談及性方面的話題，你可從看生理學的書、看有關性研究的醫學影片，特別是清楚解說男女性器官作用的影片著手。此外你可以尋求專業醫生的協助，問問醫生有關陰莖、陰道、子宮或有關的問題。其次，你可與經驗豐富的顧問談談相關的問題。同時，也看看一些教你如何解決性問題的書並多加練習。

　　對性的自我控制是一種美德，性沉迷是危險的，但過多的自我否定是不自然的，禁慾的關係是不正常的。沒有性生活，就不會有生育，沒有生育，很多生物會絕種，包括人類。性是重要的——這不是利他主義，這是實際需要。

　　（按：中文內容乃翻譯及撮寫版本）

The Ultra Conservative

　　We talked about the “Ultra Liberal” last time. This would be the exact opposite.

　　We have a number of singles in our database, men and women, aged 28-58, who have never had sex in their lives. Strange. We also have a number of divorcees, men and women, aged 28-58, who have had little or no sex throughout the entire duration of their marriages. Stranger still. We obviously have a huge, silent problem in our society which has not been addressed, viz. the ignorance or abhorrence of sexuality.

Human Sexuality

　　Due to restrictive social conventions, Sexology had been a neglected area of study until Alfred Kinsey of Indiana University published his revolutionary Kinsey Reports: 2 volumes on male & female sexual behavior in 1948 and 1953. Kinsey's work was based on personal interviews and not on laboratory observation.

　　Then Drs Masters and Johnson published Human Sexual Response and Human Sexual Inadequacy in 1966 and 1970, based on observing and measuring masturbation and sexual intercourse in the laboratory - Both best-sellers were translated into 30 languages. Apart from recording the first physiological data, they openly espoused sex as a healthy activity that could be enjoyed as a source of pleasure and intimacy.

　　Masters and Johnson's finding that with regular intercourse, men can continue being sexually active until the age of 86 or beyond was well endorsed by other university researchers. Another aspect of their work, the “cycle” of sexual response,( i.e. Excitement, Full Arousal, Orgasm and Post Orgasm) shows no difference between Freud’s purported "vaginal" and "clitoral" orgasm. However, their argument that thrusting during intercourse should provide enough clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm and the inference that the failure of this is a sign of female "sexual dysfunction" was severely criticized by other sex researchers, particularly Shere Hite, whose own research found that women who cannot achieve orgasm during intercourse can easily achieve orgasm by masturbation. While not denying that both Kinsey, Masters and Johnson have made significant contributions to sex research, she believes that people must understand the cultural and personal construction of sexual experience to make the research relevant to sexual behavior outside the laboratory.

Sexual dysfunction

　　These university researches into the anatomy and physiology of sexual response was a springboard to developing a clinical approach to the treatment of sexual problems in a revolutionary manner. Today, sexual dysfunctions such as premature ejaculation, impotence, vaginismus, and female frigidity are no longer taboo subjects, many doctors are well versed in dispensing treatment, often with positive results within a reasonable period of time. The key is to seek help early.

Your Relunctance

　　There could be a number of reasons why you haven’t been sexually active. It could be your archaic upbringing, religious reasons, inhibitions, the wrong partner or the lack of one, worries about your own inadequacies, or that previous experience had been disastrous… Whatever the reason, you need to get yourself a healthy sex life soon. Like riding a bicycle or a horse, falling off is part of the learning process. Procrastination makes it harder, not easier , and prolonged sexual abstinence only leads to waning libido, which could affect future relationship. We are not asking you to change the moral compass on your values, just understand that sex is an integral part of a man-woman relationship, you fail your spouse sexually, you fail as a spouse. Like everything else in life, you cannot do a good job without knowledge, practice & experience.

Where to begin

　　If you have never had sex, or too little to speak of, start by reading biology books, watch medical videos, something explicit, learn about the male and female sexual organs and understand how they function. Visit your doctor, talk to him/her about your penis, vagina, uterus, ask whatever questions you may have. Alternatively, speak to a trusted counselor. Or both. Read “how to” books, & practice.

Conclusion

　　Self control is a virtue, to under-indulge is meritous, but excessive self denial is unnatural, and total sexual abstinence in a relationship is abnormal. Without sex, there will be no procreation, many species in the world will reach extinction, including the human race.  Sex is vital - it’s not altruism, it’s pragmatism.